Let Me Heal You
by SciFiobsession
Summary: Dan is suffering so badly. It seems nothing can help him. But who is this light he keeps meeting? This boy names Phil keeps bumping into his life. (I am so bad at summaries, sorry please just read and review. Tell me if you like?)
1. Let Me Heal You

Let Me Heal You

Dark seems to surround me and I wonder if my eyes are even open. The worst part is, I don't think I would even care. My eyes can be open, they can be closed, I can be asleep, and I can be awake. No matter the circumstances, all I see is darkness. I am not blind, I see everything going on around me, but it is dark and shadowed. The shadows always seem larger than the object don't they? They are bigger, and therefore easier to fall into.

I feel the stillness in the air as I crack my bedroom door open just a half-inch. I know that even though to the average person it would seem I was alone tonight, downstairs is my brother. I know he is down there staring at a wall, finishing off a bottle of whiskey, maybe beer. I know that because of this stillness, I will feel pain in a matter of minutes.

It has been over a year since she died, my mother. She was a sense of calming and peace for a month. When my father died, she had finally returned to us. She had physically always been there, but mentally, she was far from us. Father, Ashen, was an addict. He was addicted to nearly everything that could get him in trouble; drugs, alcohol, sex.

Oh the nights my brother, Andrew, and I would come home to find him there, drunk and angry with a fist already to my mother's face. We had tried to defend her for a while, but we soon learned that he would have his way, whatever that might be in his haze of drunkenness or being high, with each of us. It soon became regular. I began to start expecting and accepting the pain. That is when I fell into those bigger than life shadows.

One night, Ashen, as mother told us never to refer to him as father again once he died, got himself very drunk; even more so than usual. He found himself coming on to a woman who happened to be the wife of the rather easily upset bartender working that night. They ended up in a fight, and he got shot. My mother cried briefly, but who knows whether it was from sadness of relief.

Life seemed to improve after then. My mom was trying her hardest to reconnect the distance put between us as a family. It was all caused by that man. We knew she was very ill. We knew she would die soon as we tried so desperately to rekindle our relationship. We did, it didn't take long before Andrew and I would smile in a conversation with her, and eat dinner together.

Life is short. Another shadow caught me as she died before the month was up. I was saddened and hoped so much to find a sense of comfort in my brother. I never should have expected that. I was given a coldness rather than warmth. Standing over the freshly laid dirt, shedding tears on the stone that read her name, Taren Maria Howell, I tried to embrace my brother. He only pushed me off him.

That night had been spent silently as I watched him drown his pain of loss in alcohol. He did this for so long. Night after night he became more and more intoxicated. Eventually he became violent. He beat me just like Ashen had. Most nights he is home I hear that silence. He is not always home either, a lot of times he is gone for extended periods of time, drinking more, maybe even gambling. Every one of those nights he is home I know what is coming for me and I fear it so much.

Usually I can't even speak while he hits me or kicks me, or throws a bottle at me, but there was one time, one time out of hundreds where I was able to squeak a noise out. "How could you do this? You've become Ashen!" For that one I got a splintering punch to the ribs, and a bottle to the head which knocked me out for hours.

I have tried to balance school, but eventually I just stopped going. I was barely passing anyway, but I knew people would see the bruises that lay so evidently on my pale flesh. I snuck out sometimes, but somehow he would catch me; maybe not physically, but I would hear his screaming at me for leaving in my head, and feel another rib crack under my skin.

It was a Monday, I thought, and Andrew left. He took off in a rust old car with some friends of his. When he left in that car I knew he wouldn't be back for a week or so, and I was starving. I decided to go to the store and take something.

XXXXX

After dressing in colorless attire that would show almost none of the wounds I have endured, I popped a backpack over my shoulders and creaked my door open, filled with fear despite my knowledge that he was already gone and would be for a while.

The walk to the nearest grocery store was cold and painful, yet I didn't really mind. I wish I knew whether it was night or day, but I didn't really care to check. I kept my eyes on my shoes until they led me through the automatic doors.

I knew I must be receiving looks of worry from the cashiers, but I carried on. I nonchalantly picked a can of something up from a shelf and slid it into the pocket of my leather coat, a jacket which shows no bulge in the pockets. I managed to shove a candy bar into it too, before circling the store, looking interested. As I neared the exit of the store, a whisper came behind me.

"Here, I'll buy those for you." I spun around to the voice, completely shocked that anyone had seen me. "Nah don't be like that, I'm not going to say anything to anyone. Just let me buy them for you, yeah?"

"Y-you don't have to do that," I stuttered, slightly shocked, as the sound of my voice is not something I have heard recently. I looked up at the person standing before me; a dark haired boy, maybe a few years older than me. He smiled and held out his hand for the items in my pocket.

"I know I don't have to, here just give them to me." I took them out of my pocket and placed the can of tomato soup and chocolate bar in his hands. "Soup and chocolate? Come on, you can do better than that," he was trying to be humorous, but I ended up just slightly annoyed.

"Listen, I don't need any charity. I have a home. I am fine by myself." I turned to walk away, leaving the man with my stuff.

"Hey, hey, hey, I was just joking around man," he said, grabbing my arm. "I just wanted to do something nice for someone today, okay? I'm Phil by the way."

I smiled, deciding to stop being stupid. "I'm Dan." I looked up at him. The strangest thing occurred as I looked at his face. There was a glimmer. There was a break in the darkness. It was as though a thin ring of light circled his face. It was shocking. There was the shadow, but in the shadow was a sparkle. I was quite taken aback, but shied away from him.

"Let's go find something actually _good _to eat, yeah?"

I nodded. He helped me pick out some actual food, paid for it, and sent me out the door with a plastic bag. I managed a brief thank you before I was thrown back outside into the shadows.

Goodbye glimmer, goodbye light. Goodbye brightness from the night.

New project! Tell me what you think! It will pick up soon, so stick around with me, yeah? ~Lexi~ 3


	2. A Single Note

A Single Note

A lot of people would wonder why I ever return to that house. Where else would I go? I trudged home, surrounded by a haze, almost forgetting the miracle boy who had just bought me a full meal. The old chipped door creaked open and slammed behind me again. I looked around the empty torn up house, and sighed with frustration.

My stomach twisted and churned, and I decided that I should eat what I brought home, considering it had been a few days since I had eaten anything more than an apple. I opened the bag on the counter and took out the big sandwich he had chosen for me to eat. I smiled briefly. Someone had finally been nice to me for once.

Attached to the label was a small piece of paper with handwriting on it. "Enjoy! By the way, I love your jacket." I grinned slightly and jammed the note in my pocket. I suppose I should say that I never have had a proper friend or even an acquaintance really. I will probably never see 'Phil' again, but it was nice for someone to be nice to me.

I walked up the steps, deciding to spend the weekend out. If I could get away for a little while, that would be nice. I just needed to be home before Andrew. He would be angry if he came home and I wasn't there. I was going to change and find a little money so I could go to a café. I'd use the internet there.

I pulled off my jacket and started looking for a clean shirt in my drawer. I settled on a loose necked black shirt. With it on, I looked in the mirror. My eyes rested on the large black and blue bruises that travelled up my arms. The memories of the night before, and my brother's punches and kicks crossed my mind. They haunted me. They became a part of me. I shivered as I imagined his hard boot contacting my ribs, his drunken tone yelling at me; telling me how I deserved every second of pain, and he was going to give it to me. Sometimes he'd laugh; sometimes he would just be angry.

I believed him sometimes. Maybe I did deserve the pain. I felt like I deserved it a lot of the time. That was a part of the darkness that followed me.

I sighed at the bruises, and winced as I poked a few cuts. One broken bottle can do a lot of harm when you make a foolish decision to wear a non-long-sleeved shirt whilst in your own home. These needed to be covered so as not to draw attention to them in public. I put my leather jacket back on and headed for the door.

I fingered the knob, but didn't open it yet. I was scared Andrew would come home early and I wouldn't be home yet. "Come on Dan, you can make it home before him," I whispered to myself.

I peered into the living room where his big chair sat. It was stained with old food and beer. I swore to have seen a blood spot or two also. They very sight of his chair made my bruises pulse and throb. I turned to leave.

XXXXX

The walk to the café was cold. It is always cold to me, but now, in winter, especially. I felt the icy fingers of a gust of wind climb up my arms and make them ache. I didn't mind the cold, just the wind. I popped up my jacket collar to keep my neck from freezing. I have become content with loneliness.

Once in view, the coffee shop called to me. Its dim lights caught my eye, and I could only assume that they were bright to everyone else. The aroma of fresh coffee beans hit my nose like a brick, yet it welcomed me.

I pushed open the door and entered, folding down my collar once more, and finding a table.

"Can I get you something?" A voice asked me moments after I sat at one of the little coffee shop tables.

"Um, yeah," I said turning to face its owner. It was a girl of about sixteen, my age. She wore a pink barista uniform with a white apron over it. The apron had an occasional coffee stain splattered on it, and a name tag labeled "Ellie" was pinned to it. Her light blonde hair was in a bun pinned tightly to her head.

"Okay what would you like?"

"Umm, can I get a chocolate chip mocha?"

"Yeah, sure, anything else?" She asked.

"No, thanks though," I mumbled as I put some headphones in and picked a playlist off my phone. I didn't mean to be brash, but I was really just looking forward a mocha. I haven't been out of my house in days before today. It was nice, but I was incredibly on edge.

Once my drink was delivered, I sat back and just listened to music. I help up my mug so that the steam rose up and warmed my face. I was rather content in the moment. That did not last long.

An hour must have passed and I found myself no longer enthralled in the loving warmth of my mocha's steam, but rather sitting there, staring into the darkness. My music had stopped at one point, and I lost focus. I found myself lost in an unfocussed trance that I couldn't pull myself from. It happened often.

"Dan?"

It smells good in here.

"Dan?"

It is so dark.

"Dan? It's me, Phil, from the shop earlier?"

I hear someone, and a figure appears in front of me. I still am not focused, but I see the figure crouching down.

"Dan?" A hand touches my knee. This does it, and I am finally able to come back to reality, not knowing who is there, and half expecting to see Andrew with his fists held high, clenched only around a bottle, can, or even a cigarette.

Instead I find a light. It is warm and comfortable, and it is familiar. Phil. Was that really this morning that I first met him? It has felt like a long time ago. It is so strange, time.

"Phil?" I asked, highly confused.

"Hey there, didn't expect to see you here, how long have you been here?" He asked. His Colorful eyes and strikingly black hair were so defined. He was the brightest creature I had ever seen, and I couldn't help but find it fascinating.

"Uhh, I don't really know, I've kind of just been sitting here."

"I see that, so what were you listening to?" I must admit I was a little taken aback by how forwardly he was in acting friendly toward me.

"Muse," I whispered, not knowing whether he appreciated the same kind of music as me or not.

"No way!" He exclaimed. His dark hair flopped into his wild and excitingly colored eyes. He barely made an effort to push it from them, as it only fell there again. I found it interesting.

"What?"

"Muse is only my favorite band of all time!"

This sparked a conversation, and for the first time in a long time, I had fun. By the end of my evening talking with the amazing and bright Phil, I felt as though we got to know each other a little. I felt as though we might have even become friends. Eventually we both decided we needed to go home, so we laughed, smiled and said our goodbyes. I stood up and headed for the door, regret in my head.

"Wait!" Phil yelled, starting to chase after me. "Give me your phone a second." He took my phone and entered his number, putting a smile next to his name in the contact info. "Text me sometime man, yeah?"

"Sure!" I said with a smile, feeling very awkward, yet totally serious about talking to him again. We had a lot of in common; same music tastes, same favorite TV shows, even same favorite foods. It was amazing.

When I left I felt so strange. I didn't know him before today, and it felt like it was all so sudden. I may have just made a good friend really quickly.

Leaving was bad. I fully intended to see him again, but he was the only light in my darkness. I walked home, smiling a little. The dark was a little less dim tonight, and it made me feel good.

I was almost home, walking the rough roads through town while staring at my feet as they moved. I large star-shaped crack in the road let me know I was almost to my drive-in. When I looked up, the darkness got darker, and the shadows enveloped me tighter. All my nightmares crashed down on me. Andrew's car was in front of the house.

I braced myself as I opened the door.

"And where do you think you have been?"  
>I jumped at the harsh tone, but of course I was expecting it. "I was out getting food," I mumbled.<p>

"Oh yeah?! Why were you doing that, huh? Because you are an unappreciative idiot who feels he deserves so much and isn't thankful for what he has?!" He was screaming at me already. "Just because I go out for the day doesn't mean you can, Daniel. And you definitely need to tell me. You are so unappreciative of everything! You don't deserve it, yet I put a roof over your head!"

"No you don't! This place is only supported by what mother paid in advance!" I shouldn't have said anything, as this got me a slap clear across my face. His rough hand felt familiar as it slapped my skin.

"You do not speak like that to me. I was about to come find you!" He sent a fist into my stomach. It hit a nerve and had me doubled over in pain on the ground. He kicked me harshly until I just went unconscious, screaming insults at me and cussing.

XXXXX

I woke up behind the couch, curled up and throbbing. I sighed and looked around. He was gone. I knew it. He had kicked me awake at one point, told me he was leaving for a week, and not to be stupid.

I stood up weakly and walked painfully to my room. I lay down on my bed, pulled out my phone, and started a text.

** New Text Message **** Phil **

** Hey there!**

I set the phone down next to me. I frowned. Why am I living like this? I could think that all I wanted, but I knew I wasn't going anywhere. I curled into a ball and began to sob loudly. Tears came streaming from my cheeks. I was so out of control, until I felt my phone vibrating next to me.

**New Text Message from Phil **

** It sure took you long enough :p How are you, Dan? **

I smiled at the message. How could he have impacted me so much already?

_It's so much easier to break something than it is to fix it again. Isn't that ironic?_

Chapter done. Let me know what you think! I don't care for this one as much as the last, but please hang in here with me! Please review! 3 ~Lexi~


	3. Tarnished Tables

Tarnished Tables

_I felt myself drowning in a large body of squalid looking water. Do you know what it is like to actually feel yourself drown? It is like a thousand merciless hands are pushing against your throat. You gasp for breath, but all that gives you is pain. The water fills your lungs; heavy stone-like water, making you asphyxiate. It is slow. It gives you time to consider what is happening. You know inevitable death is waiting for you, but you have just enough time to regret. _

_ The unkempt water swirls around me in a teasing and derisive matter. It is showing me that I am its slave and it is my master. The water owns me. The water will take me. I try to surface. I have avoided allowing the water to infiltrate my lungs for as long as possible, but my tolerance to not breathing is wearing thin. In my mind, I know there is no surface. I know the water is infinite. I know I will die._

_ I decide to welcome it. I will be pain free soon if I just allow myself to die. I will no longer be a burden in this world, rather a bothersome memory that will eventually be forgotten entirely. I open my mouth and let the repulsive flavor enter my mouth. I expand my lungs and feel in complete horror as it fills them like cement. The only thing worse that could occur does. I don't die. I squirm in agony as I feel the weight inside me. Death does not come and sweep the pain away. I am left there to suffer incredibly forever. I will never be freed._

_ Even in my state of complete anguish I think that I deserve it some. Here is where I will stay forever to make up for the things I have done, the burdens I have caused, and the time I have wasted. I said my final farewells to the last existing chance I had at an enjoyable life years ago._

I woke up drenched heavily in sweat and screaming. It took me a good hour to calm down completely. I found something new about myself. I did not fear dying. I feared never being allowed to die.

I grabbed my phone. **3 New Text Messages From Phil.**

**You still awake? –Phil**

**Dan? You kind of stopped abruptly there, everything okay? -Phil**

**You're probably asleep, okay, goodnight Dan! (: -Phil**

I texted him right away. **Sorry Phil! I fell asleep! Good… Morning I think?**

I got a response almost instantly. **Yeah It's morning, Haha. So are you busy today? I really had a nice time last night.**

I wanted to immediately text back asking him where he wanted to meet me and at what time, but as soon as I tried to move,I had a realization.

"He isn't here," I whispered to myself. The darkness got a little stronger. "He said he was leaving. He won't be back early this time."

I could barely move, but I knew I would have to make it through if I wanted to see Phil today.

**I'm free today, where do you want to meet up? **

**Meet up at the café from last night and go somewhere else? We both know where that is.**

**Sure, see you there in an hour?**

**Sure! See you soon!**

This was the first time someone had expressed interest in me as a person. I have been living in a dark, empty, and lonely world. I just hoped this little glimmer wouldn't come crashing down around me.

I stood up after a lot of pain, and walked to the mirror in my room. A section of it was smashed, but I could still see myself in most of it. I pulled off my shirt to look at the damage.

New large dark spots had set in around my ribs, one of my shoulders was red and scraped up, and my cheek was a bit swollen. If I wore a long sleeved shirt it shouldn't be too noticeable, and hopefully the swelling in my cheek would go down.

An hour later I was out standing in from of the little café waiting for Phil. My hood was pulled over my head, and I was looking at the ground so as to not make eye contact with anyone around me.

"Dan?" I heard my name, so I looked up and turned around.

"Hey!" I smiled a little.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, how are you?"

"I'm good, glad to get away from home, you know? My little brother can be a bit obnoxious." He laughed.

"Yeah, I live with my brother. He is gone for the week, I think."

"So you're on your own?" He asked.

"Yeah I guess so," I said. I smiled. "So where do you want to go?"

"Hmm, want to go get some lunch and then decide? I'm starving." He smiled and tugged at one of his sleeves a bit.

"Sure, I could go for some food. Are you into Chinese?" I was really hoping he was. I had some money that mother had left for me that I had kept hidden from Andrew, and I brought 40 pounds with me.

"I love Chinese! Let's go!" Phil always seemed so excited about everything and it made me smile.

We ate at a small Chinese restaurant. That's when I started to feel it. Sitting at those tarnished wooden tables, talking with this person who I had only known for a couple days, yet knew so much about, I realized how much I enjoyed having him here. No one had ever cared before.

After that, we walked around downtown for a bit. I felt pain with every step I took, but I soon was ignoring it. The sun was going down and the air was getting brisker. Phil was telling me about his school. I was just glad that he hadn't asked me about my school. I felt like he knew there were some topics to avoid.

It was getting darker, and we were heading in a full circle back towards the café.

"Tonight has been really nice, Dan."

"Yeah it has, I have had a lot of fun. I don't really get out all that often, so this has been really nice and kind of new."

"We should do stuff like this more often," Phil said with a smile.

"Yes! Totally!" I responded, returning his happy smile. I finally have an actual friend.

"Well I should probably be home in an hour or my mum will flip out on me," Phil said. We both laughed a bit. "Can I walk you home?"

My eyes widened. I didn't want him to see what would happen if Andrew had come back early. I had taken such a risk to meet him today, and I would do it all over again. "Um, that's okay; you don't have to, Phil. I will be fine."

"Nah, I know I don't have to. Please? Come on, we're friends now, aren't we? It's not like I'm going to stalk you or anything," he laughed.

"No, I know you aren't," I sighed. "Sure, I guess you can walk me home." I would make him leave at the first sign of trouble.

XXXXX

We made it to my street. I checked the drive in and everything was all clear, so we approached it.

"Well, here we are," I said. "Mi casa." I was trying to make light of the house. It was decent looking on the outside. The inside was trashed. I hated the house.

"Thanks for tonight man, want to go see new Avengers movie on Friday with me?" He asked after appearing to have a dawning idea.

"Yeah! Totally!" I was already excited. Today was Wednesday.

"Okay, well I'll see you then, text me, yeah?"

"Okay!"

He walked off and down the street.

_Thank you brightness, Thank you light. See you glimmer, Friday night._

Chapter complete!

Stick around for next chapter; I think it is going to be good!

Please review!

Okay, bye! ~Lexi~


	4. Friday

Friday

I suppose this is the first time that I have felt the expression of time dragging by for something exciting actually true. It was about 3:00 in the afternoon, and Phil and I would be meeting at 5:00. I had actually been wanting to see the movie for a long time, and seeing it with my new best friend topped it all off.

When 4:30 rolled around, I was ready to head out the door. My phone started violently buzzing in my pocket. I pulled it out.

**So excited to see this movie! Tonight should be fun! –Phil**

** On my way there now, see you soon –Dan**

I tucked my phone away and left my house, trudging up the hill to the little cinema that was in town. It only had two show rooms with about half the seats of a normal cinema. The outside was brick, and a raised garden of now frozen flowers sat in a retaining wall in front of it.

When I walked up to it, Phil was sitting on the little brick wall that surrounded the flowers. The flowers were dark and decaying because they were dying in the cold. I related to the flowers. I felt dark like them.

"Hey!" Phil said, hopping off the wall and coming to meet me. "How are you?"

"I'm okay," I said. "How are you?"

"I'm good… Are you sure you are okay, you look a little more down than usual today." I could hear concern in his voice.

"No I'm okay, really," I said. I looked up and looked him in the eyes. "I'm glad to be here."

We walked inside. The front room was covered in almost all red. Dark as it may have looked to me, it was red nonetheless. The carpets were red, the walls were red, even the workers wore red outfits. It was like a sea of blood red fabric and golden crown molding.

We walked up to the counter and waited for the worker to come to the desk. "How may I help you two?" He asked with a smile.

"Two tickets for The Avengers, please?" Phil asked, smiling back. I went to get money out of my wallet, but Phil stopped me.

"Phil, you could have let me pay for myself," I said as we took the tickets from the man.

"Fine, you can pay for popcorn if it will make you happier," Phil responded. We both laughed.

I bought us popcorn and two drinks, and then headed back to Phil.

"Ready?" I asked, balancing the popcorn bag on one hand while I tried to put the change in my pocket.

"Sure, let's go sit down."

We sat down right before the previews began. Seven minute later, the opening credits began to roll and the film started. It was incredibly good, but about halfway through, I found myself a little distracted.

I didn't know why, but for some reason I found myself staring right at Phil. The light was shining in his eyes and he just looked so perfect. I was so confused, so I pinched my arm and turned back to the film. That worked for all of five minutes, before I started staring again.

This time, however, he caught me. He turned and looked at me. I was confused when I started blushing. He is _just_ my friend, I swear.

He looked back at the screen, as did I, but a few minutes later, I found _him_ staring at _me._

The light shined off his face beautifully. He was so beautiful. I didn't know what was happening. He was my light and he was amazing.

Everything happened so quickly. We were looking at each other, and next thing I knew, he was leaning into me. He slowly placed his lips on mine. In seconds, I was kissing him back. The astounding action music played in the background, and I felt so strangely at peace. Phil kept his lips to mine for a minute longer, before he pulled away.

I opened my eyes to find something absolutely spectacular. The world, the theatre, everything around me was bright and vibrant. My eyes widened in shock. The darkness had left me and I was in a whole new place. Phil's bright blue eyes sat before me, still glinting in the light from the screen. He smiled, though I sensed the same feeling of shock from him.

I smiled, and went to say something, though I don't know what it is I would have said, but he held his finger to his lips as if telling me to be silent. We turned back to the movie, which, by this point, was nearing the end. As soon as it was over, we waited for the few other people who were there to filter out of the door.

"Phil," I said quietly, as we exited the theatre. He stopped me, but this way in a different way. He waited until everyone was out of the hallway, and pushed me against the wall. He had my arms pinned, and he kissed me again, right there, against the wall. It was passionate and new and so surprising, but I accepted it and returned it.

"Sorry," he said, pulling away with a bit of a laugh.

"Um, no, no, don't be sorry." I also laughed at the sheer awkwardness.

"So, uh, that was kind of unexpected, yeah?" Phil was staring at the ground.

"Yeah, but it was also really nice." I grinned.

"That's true. Hey, I kind of like you," he said.

"I kind of like you too. You're light. That is new." He looked really confused, but I just let it go.

I wished he knew what this was. He gave me one thing I hadn't seen in so long. Everything around me was bright and colorful, and it was amazing. Philip Lester was literally light.

"So what do you want to do now that the movie's over?" I was trying to be really chill about it all.

"Oh, umm, want to go to my place? You can meet my mum. She was wondering who I was meeting today, you know?" He was obviously trying to be chill about it too.

"Sure, I'd love to," I answered with a smile.

Everything seemed so amazing for once. Would it stay that way?

Chapter ended! See you at Phil's house! Please review! Okay bye! ~Lexi~


	5. Welcome

Welcome!

It took us about twenty minutes to walk back to Phil's house from the cinema that sat in the middle of downtown Manchester. We talked the whole way there, about nothing really, but it was enjoyable. Upon our arrival at the average sized, mostly brick house, Phil pushed open the heavy glass door. The warmth of the heating system, smell of cinnamon, and cleanliness of the house was a foreign sensation to me, yet I almost found it strangely inviting. It was like being wrapped in a warm and tight, friendly and loving hug the moment you stepped through the doors.

"I'm home, mum!" Phil yelled loudly as we trudged in. Phil took off his shoes and set them against the wall, so I did the same thing. He tossed his coat onto a coat rack.

Suddenly a petite woman with brownish-blonde hair was swept out of the living room and to the doorway. She wore her hair down, but pinned to one side. She seemed a little caught off guard upon seeing me with Phil, but smiled anyway. She brushed imaginary dirt from her dark jeans and walked further into the room.

"Hi Phil, who is this?" She asked with a large bright smile as she directed the attention towards me. She looked so friendly. Her vibrantly colored eyes reflected those of her son's, as did her rather pale-toned complexion. Her hair, however, seemed to be what kept them from looking similar. His coal color could not be matched by anything. I was certain that it must've had to have been dyed, as its color was so mysterious, interesting, and magnificent all at the same time.

"Mum, this is Dan. He is who I met for the film earlier." Phil smiled at me, and then at his mother, who only looked delighted.

"Nice to meet you Dan," she said, shaking my hand. "Are you staying for dinner tonight?" She didn't seem to look as though she would have a problem with me staying for dinner with them.

I hadn't thought about it. I really did not want to intrude on their daily life. I looked at Phil, and he mouthed the word _"please" _to me. I laughed a little before turning back to his mother. "Sure, I can stay, and I would love to. Thank you." I smiled.

"Mum, Dan and I are going to go up to my room for a bit, okay?" Phil started to tug on my sleeve in guidance to the steps. "We are just going to play some video games in my room and stuff."

"Alright, you to have fun, I'll call you down when supper is finished, yeah?"

"Thanks!" Phil bolted up the stairs with me close at his heels like a dog to its master. This was only because I did not know where I was going in his house without his directions and guidance.  
>He pushed the door of his room open to reveal a poster-covered, mismatched designed, and slightly messy room, but it would be considered perfect when set up in comparison with the room I sleep in.<p>

There were blues, and greens, and slightly crumpled Buffy the Vampire Slayer posters, and music, and album covers. It was practically heaven in a room for someone like me. His duvet laid a crinkled mess on his warm looking bed.

"My room's atrocious, sorry," he giggled.

"No, no it isn't." I grinned. "It looks so… warm and used." My room was mostly grey, with glass lying on the floors. I didn't want to think about my room right now.

"And yours isn't?" He asked, cocking an eyebrow and peering at me with one corner of his lips dragged up.

"Eh," the one syllable was all I gave him. He seemed to get some message from it, and moved on.

"You like video games?" Phil asked, practically already tossing me a controller. His room proved that he was infatuated with them.

I felt a knot in my throat, and my palms began to sweat. "Well, umm… maybe, I uh have never actually umm played video games before." I waited for his laughter, but was shocked when it did not come.

"You've never played video games? At all? Not even one?" His face was pure shock, and his jaw was practically all the way on the floor.

"My… uh… my brother doesn't really let me do stuff like that I guess," I mumbled, feeling pure embarrassment.

"Oh…" He said, but all of a sudden his mood completely changed. "Well, Dan, you have definitely come to the right place!" He smiled again. "Let's start out easy. We are going to play Mario Kart."

"Okay," I said nodding. I was so glad he'd taken it all so well. I looked up from my staring at the floor to see his large blue eyes looking at me. His dark hair framed his face, creating what to me appeared as the most gorgeous creature in existence. He stuck a remote controller in my hand, and gave me a small goofy side-smile.

"C'mon," he said. We walked to his bed and sat down next to it, using his bed frame as a backrest. I couldn't help but notice how closely he sat to me, and was excited by how much he already seemed comfortable around me. "I'll teach you."

We played for over an hour, and Phil beat me every single time. I didn't care, though. It was fun and we were happy. Phil's mum called us down for supper at around 6:00.

"Whoa," I whispered not all that quietly, as we approached the dining room table.

"What?" Phil asked, eyeing my apparently strange expression with that same concerned curiosity.

"It's just… I've just… I haven't had an actual meal like this is a really long time, I mean at least ever since my mum died…" I was practically breathless.

I did catch Phil's mum's saddened expression, but it changed as soon as I looked up at her. "Well, dear, you are so welcome to come eat here anytime you would like. We would be happy to have you." She smiled.

"Thank you so much, ma'am."

We all ate, and I felt almost guilty for all the food I ingested, almost to the point of not wanting to keep it down, but that was a completely unrelated issue. It was so comforting to be sitting around a table, with a family, chatting about days at school, ranting about obnoxiously self-centered customers in a store, and even about Phil and his brother. Life surrounded me at that table.

Life sat before me and I realized that the darkness that usually surrounds me might be death. It could be depression. It could be brain damaged caused by one-too-many kicks to a cerebral nerve. It could just be a cloudy day. All I knew in that moment was that I was happy for once, I had a full meal in my stomach, and I was with Phil. I was with Phil's brilliant blue eyes that had called out to me since I met him in that store only a few days ago.

Dinner finished, and it was late. We all set out plates in the kitchen.

"Phil, it's your night to wash dishes!" His mum said as she exited the kitchen.

"Oh yeah! Sorry, Dan, give me a couple minutes?" Phil looked utterly apologetic.

"Why don't I just help you with the dishes? I mean, I ate too, didn't I?" I laughed as I said it, but was completely truthful. I wanted to help.

"Because you're a guest, that's why. You don't have to wash dishes."

"Phil, I want to, please?" I smiled.

"Ugh, fine, you." He took a step to the side so I could come to the sink. "You'll probably want to roll your sleeves up, there's going to be soapy water."

"I'm good," I said, practically shivering a bit. I didn't want to roll my sleeves up and have him see the bruises, and cuts, and scrapes, and scars that lined my arms, and all of me.

"But your jacket is-"

"Phil, I swear , its okay." I laughed.

"Alright," he said, oddly, handing me the first dish. I cleaned, and he rinsed and dried. This cycle went on for a bit, until we got to the utensils. You see there is a very common mistake made, and I completely forgot it. Spoons spray. I went to run some water over a spoon, but the water was on high, and therefore sprayed ever where, including down the front of Phil's shirt.

He slowly turned towards me, a look of shock on his face. "Ohh, I am going to get you, Dan." He said with a laugh before grabbing his washcloth and squeezing it over my head.

I gasped as the cold water trickled down my face, and then grabbed a dirty glass, put a little water in it, and threw it at him. This caused war, as we started to just throw water at each other. It made a mess of the kitchen. All of a sudden, we stopped. We just looked at each other in the eyes for a minute, water dripping along our faces. He was so gorgeous, and I wanted to kiss him. Perhaps I would have. Suddenly we heard the laughter of Phil's parents coming from the living room where they were watching us. We both blushed.

"So, Dan, are you staying overnight tonight?" Phil's mother queried a little later.

He still mouthed "please", but unfortunately, I couldn't.

"I can't," I mumbled. My paranoia was too strong. I couldn't come close to sleeping if I knew there was a chance that Andrew would come home. I already felt my stomach in my throat.

"Oh, okay," Phil said. "Can I at least walk you home?" He looked so hopeful. I didn't want him to in case of my brother, but I wouldn't say no.

"Uhh, sure, I think that's okay," I said with a weak smile.

XXXXX

We were walking to my house, both of us with our collars turned up to the wind.

"So, Dan, I think we should talk…" Phil hummed awkwardly. It wasn't hostility I sensed in his tone, rather nervousness. "I like you. We haven't known each other for very long, but I like you. We kissed, and it was nice. I don't know how you feel…" He trailed off.

I frowned. _Don't get attached. _"I like you too. A lot." The words flew out of my mouth before I thought.

We finally made it to my house, walking hand in hand, to the place where I dreaded to return, despite its emptiness. I knew he kind of wanted me to invite him in, but I knew I couldn't. I looked at the heavy, oak front door as we walked up to the porch.

"Thanks for walking me home, Phil. Today was nice… Really nice." I grinned at him.

"Thanks for making today nice," he said, rather incredibly flirtatiously.

"No that was definitely you. You're the one who made today possible."

"The movie was really good, don't you think?" He asked.

"I don't know. I was watching something a lot better the whole time." I winked at Phil, who blushed.

He softly and swiftly grabbed my other hand and pushed me up against the door. He kissed me sweetly. He smiled into the kiss, and stayed there for a bit. He finally pulled away after a couple minutes, both of us smiling brightly.

"Text me," he said, winking. He turned and walked away.

"I definitely will," I breathed, watching him go. I opened the door to my house and closed it behind me. I slid down the door like they do in those Hallmark classics, smiling like an idiot.

Then I looked up. I looked up at the messy, disgusting smelling house, feeling the broken glass around me. The light that had surrounded me all day faded, and the colors melted to grayish tones.

I closed my eyes, ignoring the dark. I focused on today. I focused on Phil. I focused on those big blue oceans of eyes that seemed completely impossible to possess.

Thank you glimmer. Thank you light. Thank you brightness, For tonight.

I hope you liked this! I'm sorry it has been so long, I'm terrible, I know! I'm sorry! Please review! 3 Okay, Bye! ~Lexi~


	6. Color

**A/N: TRIGGER WARNING FOR DEPRESSION AND SELF HARM IMPLICATION.**

**OTHER THAN THAT, PLEASE ENJOY.**

Color

I opened my eyes and looked around. Not all color had drained from me yet, so I savored it. I craved it. Colors can make even the darkest, dullest; most lack-luster things seem amazing. I felt a sense of pride and joy flush over me.

I stared down the room, looking from its dirty fawn molding to its torn pewter carpeting. I didn't let, even for a second, my eyes stray from the tawny colored couches. I stared at everything that encompassed this house, from its distasteful obsidian doors and chipping alabaster walls to its forest colored imperfections that seemed to grow from every corner, every protruding crevice that made worse the appearance of this already shredding home.

I stood and looked in the cracked and dusty wall mirror that hung daringly on a nail. I was reassured in the fact that the lack of beauty of this home wasn't all. I too contributed to the putrescence. My mangled chocolate hair and pale rose lips made me feel so repulsive. The only thing I found decent in what I saw were my mocha colored eyes. I'd never admit it aloud, however. They are not even worthy of the comparison to Phil's. None of this is to even mention the dreary onyx that follows me with every breath.

What color people always missed about me is the deep currant color that flows from me when I speak up, or the still blush colored scars that float leisurely up and down my wrists and forearms, as well as a few along my back.

I read once that the body you are born with is a blank canvas. As you go along, you acquire new marks, and that is your painting. You get scars, freckles, stretch marks, broken bones, all things that tell a story. Sometimes I wish my story weren't so detailed. I wish I'd received less marks and stayed a little plainer. Most of all, if my body is a painting, I want to apologize to whoever got stuck with me on their wall. It is nothing good to look at.

I walked to the kitchen, a room which I rarely entered, though as I said, my eating, or lack thereof, is an unrelated problem that I find unnecessary to speak of. I let my eyes fall upon the sangria colored tile, which intermingled with a color which I know was once an ivory, but is now more of a hazel wood color. I let my hands run on the rigid white counter tops, which were stained deeply with heavy booze. I took up a cloth from the counter, and ran some water over it. I began to wipe the yellowish haze away. I looked at the clean countertop with satisfaction.

I bit my lip awkwardly and started for my room. The colors were meaningless in my room. The charcoal wasn't beautiful. Honestly, the greys and blacks were depressing, but allow me to explain that they're relatable. I've known sadness longer. I've known pain longer.

I crawled infant-like onto my bed, pushing my back against the headboard and pulling my knees up to my chest. I wrapped my arms around my knees and embraced them as though they supported the world. I craned my neck forward and rested my forehead on my kneecaps before crying. I sobbed and sobbed for an extensive period of time. I screamed, threw my blankets and pillows, and tore at my hair. I finally settled down, but only after cursing my father under my breath. The currant color visited me on my arms, and then I settled into the embrace of my stiff, yet comfortable duvet. A wry smile was plastered to my face as I stared at the door. Doors are supposed to provide protection, but I swear that this door holds nothing away from me. It isn't as though Andrew hadn't pushed through it so many times. I'm not even sure that the hinges work very well whatsoever.

As a final measure of my ending my torrent, I pulled out my phone. I filed through contacts of people I haven't spoken to in months, before arriving at the one I was looking for. Phil Lester .

**New Message **** Phil**

** Hey there! XxDan**

I exited my messages and set my phone next to me on the bed.

I started to just think. My mind took to yelling.

_People have it worse, you idiot. Who are you to be sad? You have a roof over your head and a blanket beneath your sleeping body. Stop crying and feeling sorry for yourself because you have no right to do that. You pick yourself off, clean up your arms, fix up your bed, and make something of your fairly useless self. _

It's true. I am useless. If I am nothing to myself, I need to at least be something to someone else, right? Maybe it's not even worth it, this world. What is there? Where is there good left in this cruel place that we call a home? I honestly want out sometimes, but no. That is cheating, isn't it?

I was lost in the abyss that is my discouraging own mind. I was trapped in a net of my dirty grey duvet. I was brought out of both by a familiar tri-tone that called out softly beneath my blanket.

**New Message **

** Hey there handsome ;) XxPhil**

Dang it, he was being flirty. It made me blush. I hid the smile in my sleeve.

**Miss me already? XxDan**

**Maybe a little… XxPhil**

**Well we should change that soon. XxDan**

**Thought you had to be home because you didn't know when your brother would get home. XxPhil**

**Yeah… But I don't think he is coming home tonight. I think he would already be home if he were. XxDan**

**Hmmm… We should meet up. XxPhil**

**What? Tonight? Where? XxDan**

**Yeah tonight! It'll be fun **** let's meet up in town somewhere. XxPhil**

**The Café? XxDan**

**Of course, meet you at 11:00? XxPhil**

**Sounds fun. Let's do it. XxDan**

All of it was exciting. Meeting him again when nobody knew, Going out so late to see him, and just seeing him in general. I smiled, feeling the corners of my dry lips be pulled tight.

"I'll see the light again soon," I whispered, closing my eyes again.

There we are. Another chapter. I apologize as the beginning sounds more like a game of how many colors can we fit in a story than a chapter itself. Also this was probably not the most interesting, as it lacked a lot of dialogue, so sorry. Hopefully you enjoyed! Bye! ~Lexi~


	7. Agony

_**A/N THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS MENTION OF ABUSE AND POSSIBLY OFENSIVE TOPICS. I am not in agreement with the homophobic nature in this chapter either.**_

Agony

10:00 pm was when I decided to leave my house, but it seemed to approach at the pace of paint drying on a wall. I paced around, cringing and jumping with every creak, every crack of the floor as though the sound itself may try to reach out and snap me. I truly believe that the sound could crush me if it so pleased, as it was harsh, and despite my roughly calloused outside, which I've been forced to obtain because of the harsh treatment I have received, I am not indestructible, I am not invincible, and I am already a broken creature slowly being torn further apart, finding stray ways to hold my pieces together for a while.

I could practically not conceal my eagerness. I wanted to see him sooner than when we'd chosen. The agonizing wait did pay off, however, and ten o'clock came around. I pulled on my worn black leather jacket over my also dark shirt. I adjusted my belt on my snug fitting black jeans. Next, I looked in the mirror. I stared intensely at my reflection, as though if I stared long enough I could eventually like what I saw. I didn't. I put in some headphones, and finally walked out the door.

I made my way to the café, avoiding eye contact with anyone and everyone. I came upon the low light of the still-open café. The scent of brewing java greeted me. Across from it was a bar. The bar was small, but heavily populated. I knew I could sneak in if I wanted. I didn't want to. I didn't think I could bring myself to the enjoyment of the taste of alcohol because of Andrew and my father.

I felt my phone buzz in my packet, and had it out and in my hands within a second.

** Hey **

** Hey! I went early… I guess I was just too excited.**

I put my phone back into my pocket, still just standing there on the street, face to the ground.

"Maybe if you'd looked up, you'd have seen you weren't the only eager one." The voice surprised me, but I looked up. Phil was practically standing next to me, leaning up against the brick of the café. He had on a slightly cocky grin.

"You're here?" I asked, in utter shock.

Phil looked himself up and down humorously in the low light of the shop windows. He patted at his stomach and felt his head. "It sure seems like I'm here, but I don't know how to know for sure."

I grinned. "It's amazing here. The city at night is beautiful. I rarely see it at all." I scuffed my shoes on the ground for a moment, pondering the trouble I'd be in if my older brother knew of what I was getting up to right now. It made a bile taste drift into my mouth, and a nauseous feeling tickle at the lining of my already on edge stomach.

Phil didn't really say anything for a while. He mostly stared at me for a few minutes. A small smile of contentment lay on his lips. "Come on, you. Let's go for a walk," he finally said. We both simultaneously pushed off from the backrest that was the wall, and began down the pavement.

The soft and warm glow of the shop lights and the street lamps glimmered in both our eyes, making them look glassy. Our skins reflected the orange color. We both smiled as we talked and told each other stories. We mostly were just enjoying the sweet sound of each other's voices, and the pleasantness that was being in each other's company.

The clock stuck midnight, and the streets became nearly empty, aside from the two boys who clambered around town. We found a bench to sit on along the side of the pavement.

Phil leaned his head on my shoulder and sighed. "You know the only thing that made tonight no good?" He asked, sighing once more.

My stomach churned into a knot and my mind whispered one word. _Me?_ The sound never even left my lips. Instead an interrogative "What?" took its place.

"I wish I wouldn't have to go home now," Phil chuckled.

Oh, it had only been a joke. "Me neither."

"Dan?" His smooth voice called to me as he brought his head up from resting on my left shoulder. His eyes were glimmering like tiny moons themselves, except I felt as though they gave off light, rather than reflected it.

"Yeah?"

I got no verbal response. My response was Phil quickly cupping his hand around the back of my neck, and him puling me down into a kiss. I should've expected it, yet I didn't, and as we kissed, I found one of my hands gripped tightly to the lapel of his coat, keeping him down with me, and the other floating mindlessly in his hair. His hand that had originally lain on my neck was now planted on my shoulder, and the other moved in a circular motion on my side.

It was strange to feel emotion behind it all. I rarely felt emotion like this.

After what seemed like hours, we pulled apart, panting heavily and wrapped tightly in one another's embrace. It was a hug. I haven't been hugged in so long. I didn't even realize how much I needed it. I began to cry slightly.

Phil pulled out of the hug and I quickly tried to wipe away all my tears so he wouldn't see me crying, but to no avail.

"Dan, are you crying?" Phil asked, placing a hand on my cheek and trying to look me in the eye.

"No…yeah…not really," I stumbled awkwardly. I was more embarrassed now than anything.

"Dan, what's wrong? Did I move to quickly? I'm sorry," he started to sputter.

"No! No, no, no. It isn't that. It's just… I haven't exactly been… hugged in a long time. I didn't remember how much I needed that." I tried to laugh it away, and turn away, but Phil immediately reached out and pulled me back into a hug. He rubbed his hand up and down my back calmingly.

"Well I guess it's a good thing I'm a hugger, huh?" He said quietly into my shoulders.

"You should get home," I whispered. "We both should." I didn't want him to release me, of course, but it was necessary.

"Okay, I'll walk you home."

I agreed, so once again, as we had done before, we set out for my little shamble of a home. Our shoes tapped in an almost perfectly synchronized tone, slapping the pavement softly as though they, themselves, were weary of awaking everything around them.

We talked the way there, discussing things we should do in the future, and places we wished so deeply we could go. Everything was perfect as we crested the hill that ran down my street. My house was the first.

I suddenly swore excessively. I was freaking out. I grabbed Phil's hand and ran, pulling him back over the hill.

"Phil, go home. Please just run. Run home to your house! I will text you later, just please get out of here." I began to tear up.

"Dan, what's the matter?"

"Just… Just go Phil! Please just go!" I grabbed his cheeks and pulled him into a fast kiss, then pushed him in the direction of his home. "Go!"

Phil looked slightly hurt, but something clicked in him, and he took off running. I made sure he was far gone.

Andrew's car sat in the drive way. There was a light on inside. There was even stiffness in the air.

I walked up to the porch and pulled at the door. There is no door you can enter in this house without causing a great deal of noise.

I was greeted by the face of anger and hatred."Where the hell were you?"

"I…I was out looking for you," I lied. I hadn't played that one in a while. Let's see where it ranks on the pain scale.

"You were out looking for me? After I told you that I was gone? Daniel I don't know if you've realized but I'm not the fricking idiot that you are!" Though I was barely in the door, his heavy fist came down hard on my head.

I'd rate it a seven on my scale.

"How many times did you leave this house while I was out?" His anger sputtered at me. He brought me nothing except pain and darkness and hatred both by him and myself.

"Just this once, I swear!" I lied.

He grabbed me by my throat and pushed me into the wall. "I don't believe you," he huffed. I noticed the flare of hatred in his nostrils.

"Fine, fine, twice! I went out twice! I just got bored!" I lied again.

He squeezed harder on my throat and I could already feel bruises forming. I was starting to lose oxygen. "Don't lie to me Daniel. Everything I've done for you… you better not be lying!"

"Really," I coughed. "It was really just the two times!" I tried to yell it, but due to his squeezing on my esophagus, it sounded like a whisper.

"Fine! Two it is!" He stepped on my feet, keeping them locked in place, and threw two rib-splitting punched into my gut. It didn't seem to satisfy him, so he hit me again. The third was the most painful, and I coughed up a little blood with it.

"You weren't with anyone, were you? Not that any girl would be interested at even looking at you, you repulsive thing. He spat over his accent.

"No, I wasn't with any girl."

"Or was it a boy? You queer? Always knew there was something about you, something different than us. You know the way you were always on about your dreams and stuff before you-know-who acted up. Should've figured you were queer."

"Shut up, Andrew, I'm not!" I screamed.

He kicked me in the shin, and kneed me in the groin. "Go upstairs. I don't want to see you right now!"

"I don't want to see you either, really." I whispered, but he must've heard it. He threw a kick to my back, which caused me to fall and hit my head on the step. I scrambled up the stairs and into my room, shutting the useless door to my room and flinging my useless self onto my bed.

I dove under the blankets, seeking some sort of protection from my brother, and fell asleep in pain.

DAN'S DREAM POV

_Phil sits there before me. His bold eyes are the only thing I see at first, but I soon begin to see the rest of his gorgeous face. He is telling me that everything will be okay. He is hugging me and soothing me, and somehow I know that it'll all end up okay. I can rest peacefully because Phil is there. His eyes watch me. His eyes guard me. His calming self is there, protecting me from anything that dared to come near me. I was no longer scared of pain or harm, as I didn't think it was possible for any harm to come to me as I sat there in the protection of Phil. We are in his home. There is a fire lit in the fireplace, and we sit before the stone hearth. I rest my head on his shoulders and sleep contentedly._

**Chapter complete! Hope you enjoyed! This one was pretty tense, sorry. Please let me know what you thought of it! I am actually taking a lot of pride in this story because I am starting to get into it more. Sorry for updating slowly, I'm the worst so I do apologize. Okay, bye for now! ~Lexi~**


End file.
